UGH.

So my mother just spent a good 20 minutes trying to get into her bank account online, all the while yelling at me whenever it did anything stupid and about how stupid it was and just STUPIDITY. As if yelling at me would make anything better.  WTF Mother... if I ever even take the slightest bit of attitude at you because I'm mad at something else, you get on my case!  But you just spent 20 minutes YELLING AT ME FOR NO REASON.

Anywayyy, I got to see my old BFF today... we spent a couple of hours at the mall and I found shoes for prom! For only 30 bucks!  Not bad, not bad at all! :)   I will go back and buy them with my mother.

However, today, I also got my research paper for English... and it is 60% of my damn grade for the marking period.  Oh Lord, I just saw that Valedictorian spot slip through my fingers when I read that.  And I have to read a stupid book for this nonsense.  NONSENSE, I TELL YOU.

I will be going to track in about an hour and a half, yay :)  I love it! I love throwing discus lol

pain is weakness leaving the body

If pain really is weakness leaving the body, my Lord, was I a weak, weak person before.  Track started on Monday, and LORD LORD LORD, my calves have never hurt like this before!  Soccer would make my thighs sore and achy but never my calves!  Now I just have sore legs altogether. 

The calves are the worst though, because I didn't realize just how much of a calf stretch it is to just stand up.  One night, I woke up and had to go to the bathroom.  I tried to stand up, only to fall back down onto my bed before my legs even straightened all the way. 

Mornings are especially the worst because I have to get up and go, and after eight hours of not moving, my muscles seem to be overloaded with the movement. 

My legs are better today, thank God, but now my wrist seems to have developed some kind of pain.  I blame it on the discus (I throw--I don't do that running nonsense lol)

Well, I'm going to get off the Internet now.  It's time to study for AP Psych.

There he goes again.

When i visit my grandma's grave, i feel nothing, not because i don't care, but because i don't feel her there. I feel her at home, in my room, in her old room, in the kitchen, in the living room... I feel her there because my memories of her are there. I feel her in church, not because i am a believer of my family's faith--I'm not, but because many childhood Sundays were spent with her there.  i don't make the sign of the cross at her grave because i feel like I'm lying. I believe in her spirit, not the holy trinity, and her spirit is not there where she's buried, it is home, where she belongs.

It really angered me that my father assumed that because I didn't do a silly Catholic gesture that I was disrespecting my grandmother.

Father, dearest, STFU & GTFO

Last night, my father started yelling and complaining about the pile of laundry by the basement door and the random clothes on chairs in the living room.

As he was still saying that 'they better all be gone by the time I get home from work tomorrow!', he placed a his sweatshirt on the computer chair, so I called him out on it.

What was his response?

The immature brat of a man ignored that he was, himself, making a mess and started yelling about my room.

Yeah, okay, nice thing to teach your kids: don't address your problems, just pick out somebody else's.  This is why my baby brother is a brat.

Oh superior being, why do I procrastinate?

I have to finish reading Murder in the Cathedral, write a bio on John Donne, outline a 20 page psych module, and I have yet to work out yet.  I NEED TO WORK OUT.

And I was having an okay day until my dad asked whether the dress fit yet.  I don't mind that he asked, I mind the tone that he asked in and the fact that he laughed.  Thanks asshole, for making me seem like a fat pig.  The dress isn't even that small on me.  The only part that didn't zipper was the very top and that's because there's elastic there and it's harder to zipper, not just because I'm fat, which I didn't think I was until his jerkface said something. 

Thanks, Daddy, really, I appreciate it.

I'm a person of the people

Today... was fun... because I wasn't stuck at home, alone.  It was Day 2 of sitting in the auditorium, but I sat with the friends that actually came to school... and it was okay at first, but there's one guy who, I'm pretty sure, just does not like me.  Whatever.  I got a ride home with Ant and that made me feel good.. that, okay it took me asking a couple of times, but he was willing to give me a ride.  Not because I was with someone who he was more cool with, but because he wanted to give me a ride.

Then I got home and I texted D to see if the post-prom plans were still cool... and they are :) If we can book a room -_-  Then D called me to invite me to L's mini bday get together.  I left at 2 and just got back at like 6ish. We ate pizza, watched a movie, had cake, went to the mall, sat around... it was just hanging out and I loved it.  I miss it.  I used to have it when I had a best friend, but they all seem to move away from me :(  Literally... to like other cities and states lol

Well, for once... I feel good.

Prom :)

So today, the rest of the high school is testing so the seniors get stuck sitting in the auditorium while they do so.  We get in late, at 8:30, and leave at 11:30, but three hours of sitting is very.. very long, but we watched Ironman, so that was okay!  However, what was not okay was that my 'friends' decided to sit God knows where and they didn't even text me to ask 'hey, where are you?' thanks, really.  Whatever.

I got a ride home from a friend, not one of the aforementioned ones, and then I realized those other friends probably planned to do something and they wouldn't even think of inviting me.  Thanks.

That's okay, though, because I felt like crap for a little bit... then my mom and I went dress shopping and I got a prom dresssss.  It's really more of a regular party dress because I really didn't want a long one.  I'm short, so we'd probably have to get it hemmed and cut and it would be a hassle.

So here is my prom dress!

 

It stops right above my knees, which makes my legs look super cute lol  I just have to figure out what kind of shoes to buy now.    The only problem with the dress is that it's a size too small because there was none in my size... but that's okay because I've been working out lately and now I really have a need to lose weight :)